Well, it’s time. I can honestly say I feel better right now than I have in probably years. I made a decision to join Planet Fitness after working out there once with a friend of mine. I haven’t really done anything about my health in a while, so it’s time. And I believe I’m finally ready. I feel like I’m finally happy (or at least much happier than before) with myself and my life. I have a job that pays the bills. I have a great boyfriend and dog. I’m working steadily on paying off my student loans, slowly but surely. And I’m much more self-confident than I used to be, which affects a lot of other areas of my life.
I’ve been overweight for pretty much as long as I can remember, and I always felt like the fat friend who got ignored by guys and ridiculed by classmates or “friends.” I was constantly bullied from elementary school to part of the way through high school. Then I ended up bullying myself pretty bad throughout high school and college by always telling myself I wasn’t good enough and I’d never be good enough. I said terrible things to myself every day for years, and now I can’t believe I did that and wasted all that time.
I’m happy to say I haven’t felt like the fat friend or the fat girlfriend in a long time. I have been so focused on making myself feel good and not caring what other people think that I didn’t notice how much food I was letting into my mouth or how the pounds start piling on, one by one. I noticed clothes didn’t quite fit me the same anymore, sure, but I decided that ignorance is bliss and just kept on doing what I was doing, thinking nothing about my body was really changing. I didn’t see any lingering stares from friends, and I didn’t even care to check to see if passersby or acquaintances were judging me (I won’t even reveal how much of my time was spent worrying what other people thought about me). Instead, I only focused on myself, and it took me a long time to achieve that. It sort of happened without me really paying attention to it, which I suppose is good.
I think losing weight and being healthier will be easier for me now than when I joined Weight Watchers about two years ago because I’m more accepting of myself and just happier about my life. I’m much more self-confident than I was a few years ago at a smaller weight. Sure, I still have my moments when I doubt myself or beat myself up about something, but they are more far and few than they used to be.
By some people’s standards I may be the fat friend for now and the foreseeable future, but I don’t care. I haven’t felt like that in a long time, so I’m not going to start now. I’m going to focus on making myself healthier and even happier than I already am because that’s all I can do. I’m done wasting my time worrying about things I can’t control.
It’s time to move forward, and I can’t wait to see what my future holds for me.
