This is scary for me to share, but I’ve been honest and open about my past, so why not be the same with my present?
Even though I’ve made great strides in my life and self-love journey, I’m realizing I still have a long way to go. And instead of feeling overwhelmed, I’m really excited about it.
Since being let go from my full-time job about four months ago, I’ve gone through a lot of highs and lows. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve laughed a lot. There have been days I’ve rarely left my bed or the couch. There are other days when I clean and declutter our apartment. And I’ve read a lot of books (I’m currently working on book #45).
Overall, I’ve felt very lost and confused. I tried to hide feeling that way, but of course that only made things worse so I knew something had to change.
Over the summer, I started getting interested in manifestation, tarot cards, high vibe living, etc. My mom bought me a deck of tarot cards for my birthday, I joined a manifesting group on Facebook and then I just kind of went back to my normal routines. Those things interested me, but I kept choosing to do or read other things instead of studying those more.
I grew up thinking tarot, crystals, meditation, reiki, etc., weren’t things to be ashamed or afraid of. But as an adult, it made me nervous to admit my interest in those things because they were “woo woo” or spiritual or just plain weird.
I’ve tried hard to not dim my personality because that’s all I wanted to do when I was younger. I’m not the same person I used to be, but I realized I was hiding things I was interested in because I didn’t want other people to think I was weird. But I am weird. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
I want to openly be weird and unique and happy and curious and creative. I’m still figuring out exactly what that means for me now, but just know that I’m starting to really embrace my weird again.
It’s totally ok if you think I’m weird now (although I’ve always been that way, honestly) or think I’m getting all woo woo here. I probably am. But as I was reading Light is the New Black by Rebecca Campbell, I realized I needed to own up to my weird and not hide it anymore. I’m not sure exactly where I’ll be going from here. I just know I needed to confess, as it were, instead of hiding it.
Recently I also started listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast, and that’s become another big catalyst for me on my spiritual journey or calling or whatever you want to name it. I feel like I’m finally nurturing my soul. Well that’s without a doubt something I never thought I’d say in my lifetime. But here I am.
Last year I was having a conversation with my mom, and I discovered I was an empath. Suddenly so many aspects of my personality and life started to make sense. Just like with my other “woo woo” interests, I just kind of pushed it aside because I didn’t want to be the weird girl who’s not religious at all but suddenly spiritual.
But that’s who I am.
I don’t know exactly who or what I believe in. I don’t know what this all means for my life or possibly future career or anything in between.
But I feel like I’m finally fully starting to embrace who I am, and man I’m excited to discover exactly who that is.
