I’ve been feeling lonely, worthless and purposeless, so I decided to tell someone. A few people, actually, including yourself.
I often wonder what’s the point. When I think a new job is going to work out or I’m so sure about something, I’m often wrong and that can be so frustrating and irritating. It can be difficult to maintain hope and optimism even though feeling low never really seems to accomplish anything.
I want to scream or cry or do something so often but I don’t. I want to give up but I don’t, at least not fully. I trudge on in my own way and hope it’s my turn for some good news soon because I deserve it.
I don’t feel inspired right now, and that’s okay. I feel a bit down and disappointed and that’s okay. I’m human, and I’m still learning and working on how to deal with my emotions instead of letting them take over me.
We don’t want to feel negative emotions, but sometimes we have to. We can’t just keep pushing them down and pretending they don’t exist. We need to feel them fully and without judgement and then let them pass. Not confronting our emotions can make us feel really lonely because we know we’re not being true to ourselves.
I’ve been unemployed since February and that makes me feel sad and pissed off and worthless and confused and bored and lonely. And I’m finally owning that instead of running away from it.
I’ve felt like this for a while but felt like I couldn’t share it or talk about it. It feels shameful to be feeling down and low. I feel like I shouldn’t feel like this, but I do. I feel like a failure.
What does failure mean? I feel like a failure, but why? Because I don’t have a new full time job yet. I feel like I’ve failed every interview I’ve had even if they said I was qualified.
I feel like such a failure. Why? Who set that standard? Who taught us that this is failing? I don’t feel like a failure in any other aspect of my life, at least not to this extent. So I reject the notion that I’m a failure.
I’ve succeeded expectations in many other parts of my life, and I’m not going to ignore all of that positive greatness just because it’s taking me so long to find a new full time job. I’ve learned so much about myself that I never would’ve if I had gotten a job even a few months ago.
I need to feel how I need to feel until I don’t feel like feeling it anymore. I can’t keep pushing my feelings and emotions deep down and pretending I’m fine when I’m not. I’m struggling with where I am in my life right now, and that’s okay. I need to talk about it because I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
So if you’re feeling sad or lonely or disappointed or worthless or purposeless or like a failure, please know you’re not alone. I may not be going through the exact same situation as you, but I can empathize and be there for you and let you know that you’re not alone.
You’re not a failure. You’re a human being that’s doing amazing things in your life even if it doesn’t feel like it compared to everyone else.
On that note, we all need to stop comparing ourselves to other people. We all know it and we all do it anyway. It seems impossible to not compare ourselves to people in our lives and on social media, but spending time wishing you were someone else only makes you feel more lonely.
This post is one of many on my journey to self-love and self-discovery. It’s a snapshot of who and where I am right now. While I pride myself on looking on the bright side and being positive, sometimes we have to wallow if we feel like we need to wallow.
So that’s where I am right now. There’s so much awesome positivity in my life, but there’s also some negativity, confusion, anger, sadness and loneliness. Not all the time, but they’re there and I’m done pretending they’re not.
Right now I feel like a lonely failure, but I know that feeling will pass. It always does. But I’m done running from that feeling. I’m embracing how I feel now and sharing it so that when things change, whenever that happens, I have more appreciation for my journey because of the roadblocks and bumps.
This is me, what I’m feeling as of right now. And that’s okay.
Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash
