I’m not a size 26 anymore, and I need to remember that when buying clothes. I keep wearing baggy pants, but I deserve to wear things that fit me.
Last year my husband and I decided to be healthier for our overall well-being. I lost weight, and I’ve had a hard time dealing with it and processing it.
It’s been hard for me to reconcile body positivity with losing weight, and I feel like I need to talk about it on a larger platform than my journal
I’ve been subconsciously punishing myself for losing weight by not buying new pants and clothes. I own two pairs of black pants, both of which are too big for me. They fit me when I bought them in December 2017. They’ve been too baggy for me for almost a year now but I keep wearing them.
I’ve told myself I don’t deserve to buy new pants and that these are just fine, even though I constantly have to pull them up and I hate how they look.
I told myself I don’t deserve to buy new pants because these will probably fit me again at some point, so I may as well keep wearing them.
But the thing is that we haven’t been eating as healthy lately, and I’m sure I’ve gained a little weight, but these pants still don’t fit. And I deserve to wear clothes that fit regardless of what size they are.
When I bought shorts at Target a few weeks ago, I bought a size 26 because that’s what I’m used to. Before that, I was used to being a size 28. And I was happy with myself and my body at those sizes.
I wasn’t consciously trying to lose weight to make myself look or feel better. But regardless of how it happened, I am not a size 26 anymore and I need to start acting like it.
Admitting all of this has been really scary and nerve-wracking for me. Sizes and numbers don’t really matter in the long run, right? But they’re still scary to own up to for some reason.
My ego says a size 24 is still big, too big, for me to brag about being able to fit into that size of clothes. But my higher self knows it’s important to own all parts of our journeys, both in my spiritual and physical body, as it were.
I know I’m not writing this to brag about what size of clothing I wear now. I’m writing it to help myself remember what size I really am versus the size I think I need to be wearing.
And maybe you need that reminder, too. No matter where you are in your journey with self-love and body positivity, please know that you deserve to wear clothes that actually fit you.
Photo by Becca McHaffie on Unsplash
